Chapter 9 – “This dog is making light of interviews, isn’t he.”
Today Nielsen(the pervert) is supposed to come to the shop.
I left Nielsen(the pervert) to Timu, but I wonder if it’ll be okay. Well, for some reason or other it seems that Timu and Nielsen(the pervert) get along, so I want to believe that it’ll work out somehow.
Because Nielsen(the pervert) and I traded blows, it’s awkward. It’d be good if we could forget about that that, but…
I’d hate for there to be awkwardness between us if we’re working together after all. But the cause of the fight was Nielsen(the pervert)’s fault. What I did was legitimate self-defense, so Nielsen(the pervert) is the one who should be apologising. Only, the one who knocked Nielsen(the pervert) out was me. The one who was harmed more was Nielsen(the pervert), wasn’t it~?
After sitting in my chair and worrying about this for a while, I heard the sound of the door being open.
――――Mn? It seems he’s here.
I stood up from my chair to greet Nielsen(the pervert).
“I have brought him, Oneesama.”
“Thank you, Timu.”
After thanking my sister, I took a long look at Nielsen(the pervert).
As usual, he’s a stylish old gentleman only in looks. His moustache is neat and tidy, and he’d look great in a sharp butler uniform, wouldn’t he? If I didn’t know what he was like inside, I think I really would be fooled.
After observing Nielsen(the pervert) like that for a while, Nielsen(the pervert) took a step forward.
“The esteemed elder sister of Camilla-sama, Tilea-sama. Please forgive my rude conduct towards you the other day. If you desire my life, I am prepared to abandon it whenever you so wish!”
Nielsen(the pervert) bowed, as though rubbing his head against the floor.
Yep, yep, if he’s the one apologising, then I’ll forgive him. It can’t be helped that it’s overdramatic because he’s a chuunibyou.
But as expected of Timu, huh. Even though he hit me so angrily like he wanted to kill me, his attitude right now makes that seem like a lie.
Just what on earth did she say to change him like this?
Well, whatever. For now, I’ll let him know that I don’t care anymore.
“I don’t really mind, so it’s fine.”
“Receiving your pardon, there is no greater delight!”
“More importantly, I did hit you, but are you ok?”
“Yes. My body is in perfect condition. At any rate, that heavy and solid fist of yours, Tilea-sama; I am truly inspired by that real sense of endless power that you demonstrated to me!”
Eh-!? What the heck!? In other words he got excited when I hit him? He was a person with that kind of inclination?
He pants hahh, hahh when he gets hit by a girl!?
Were you actually a huge masochist or somethingggggg!?
No wonder he has no ill feelings. There’s no way he would. Even if you get into a fist fight with him, it’s a reward to him after all. Honestly, since I hit him I was even thinking all about apologising to him, but…
Huu~ I’ve suddenly lost all my energy. Anyway, for now I’ll get today’s objective done. I did convince dad, so he’ll be working as one of our employees.
“Perv――I mean, Nielsen, was it? I want to talk with you a little, so could you come here?”
I invited Nielsen(Pervert) into the room, and had him sit on a chair.
Right; I’m thinking of interviewing him. We are going to have a contract as employee and employer after all, so we need to know the minimum information about him at least. Only, I’ve already promised Timu that we’re going to hire him, so really this is just a formality now.
“Well then, Niel, I’m going to ask you a few questions.”
Mn, it’s good that he’s full of energy. It’s something vital in the hospitalities industry, isn’t it.
“Well then, your name and age?”
“My name is Nielsen Bo Classical. I am four thousand, six hundred and fifty three, however I am excluding the millenia that I spent sealed from that.”
Yesyes, well done, chuunibyou!
Let’s go with, ‘name: Nielsen, age: 60’…
I wrote them one by one in the resume I prepared for Nielsen(Pervert).
“Next question is, ‘what are your skills?’.”
“Understood. I am primarily skilled in close quarters combat. Additionally, I can proudly say that I am skilled in leading a unit.”
Um~ ‘special skills: none’, it is…
“Next is your origins and birthplace, I guess?”
“I was born in Sirena in the Elrahd region. However, it was in the former Demon King’s territory, so I do not know if it is still referred to by the same name.”
Um~ ‘no fixed address’…
“Well then, what work exp――I mean, could you please tell me in detail about what you’ve been doing up until now?”
I doubt there’s any way this idiot has any work experience, so I have no choice but to ask it like this, huh!
While holding back the steadily increasing irritation, I asked him as such.
“Understood. As a new recruit, the first battle I participated in was the Great War of Minora. I killed hundreds in this war, and praised by Camilla-sama for my achievements, I was taken into her household guard. After that I participated in battles of various sizes, but the one that I definitely remember the most would be the Retreat at Velaad. At the time our army only numbered 500, and despite being surrounded by a large army of tens of thousands, we managed to safely retreat to the Demon Capital Benz. At the time everyone was prepared for death, but it was truly a miracle.”
“Ooh, I have heard that story as well. So it was in this battle that you earned the name 『Iron Wall Nielsen』 was it? To have such a man selected to be the captain of my household guard, I’m proud!”
“Your words are too great for me.”
Yes, yes, Iron Wall Nielsen was it? That’s amazing. I definitely want you as the bouncer for our restaurant!
Did he think I would say something like that? Is he stupid!?
Also Timu too, please get your act together. This idiot is probably getting ahead of himself now.
Huu~ My patience has about reached its limits, but I’ll continue the conversation.
“Ah~ that’s enough of that. Don’t you have any experiences of working hard in everyday life?”
Seriously, anything will do. Just working hard at cleaning up every day, or being able to properly tidy things up, I’m not asking for much. I just want him to say that he’s done something proper.
“Understood. Each day I never fail to train. In particular, I am currently focusing on raising my magic power, and at present my mana is about 42 thousand.”
“I see, 42 thousand is it? Then I perhaps I’m around 513 thousand.”
Seruously, it’s about time that he cuts this out. Should I take him down with just my left arm!?
“Huhu, Oneesama. Lying is no good, you know. At the very least, your power is definitely above a million.”
Whoa, whoa, Timu, that’s saying too much, isn’t it? Even Nielsen(Pervert) would get mad, wouldn’t he?
“S-, She had that much power…”
Wha-, why the heck are you making a enraptured face? You were just played for a fool, you know. Little fourteen-year-old and seventeen-year-old girls are saying you’re the same as a bug, you know.
――――Seriously, just how much of a masochist are you!?
I almost hit Nielsen(Pervert) in reflex, but I endured. I think that going any further with this interview is pointless, but this is something I’ve already chosen to do. I’ll keep it up to the end.
After that I asked a few more questions, but Nielsen(Pervert) was the same as ever. I didn’t get a single proper reply.
“Well then, can you tell me about your family? How many people for example, or about your parents?”
As you’d expect he’s a NEET, so he’s probably being supported by his parents. I’d like to at least know some information about someone who can confirm his identity.
“My parents? I am Camilla’s retainer; strictly speaking I am a being born from the mana of Camilla-sama’s mother, Mamira-sama. If I had to say who my parent was, then it is Mamira-sama. However, as a retainer, rather than a parent, it would be more correct to say that she was my lord but…”
Hmm~mm, I see. So I guess he’s saying that he’s siblings with Timu, huhh~
And does that make us siblings too? Oniichan ♪
――――I’ll seriously kill you!
Saying that you’re Timu’s faithful underling, and then cunningly trying to make her your sibling? Inside that head of yours, you’re not satisfied with just subordinate play, and want to play sibling as well?
Just how much of a pervert are youuuuuu-!
Fuu~ fuu~ No good, no good. I just barely avoided flipping out.
Don’t I already know that he’s a chuunibyou? It’s not as if he has bad intentions. That’s just the sort of disease it is.
But still, I had a hard time explaining Nielsen(Pervert) to dad. First of all dad doesn’t trust Nielsen(Pervert).
“Is there really a person who’s never worked despite being close to 60, and does nothing but grow senile as he plays?” he said.
Dad’s a person who works respectably, so he thinks that all the more.
And then getting permission using this hand, and that hand, I was told ‘Then you supervise him’ so I created a resume and even thought about jobs that even Nielsen(Pervert) seemed able to do, and came up with the perfect preparations, but it came to this.
…I should just write him off as hopeless already. Before the issue of manual labour, we can’t let him out in front of the guests. It’s a matter that’ll affect the trust in our store. Sorry to Timu, but I’m going to refuse.
“Oneesama. I really do think that I’d like to leave Nielsen to his current role as a household guard captain.”
Just as I was thinking of refusing, Timu spoke about what Nielsen(Pervert) would be doing from now on.
“Tilea-sama. Though I am unworthy, I intend to serve with all my power!”
What’s more, even Nielsen(Pervert) began speaking like he was already employed.
Oi, do you think you’d be fine after giving that reply? Normally we’d be pausing the interview, you know.
But Timu is saying “I shall be in your care once more, Iron Wall Nielsen” after all, and Nielsen(Pervert) is saying “Understood-!” as well, and the two of them are getting excited on their own.
I-, It’s too hard to say. “Yeah, I don’t think we should hire him after all.” is too hard to say. I mean, leaving Nielsen(Pervert) aside, Timu looks happy.
It’s almost like a kid that’s said “Eh!? We can just keep him at home! I’m so happy. Oneechan, I love you!” and I can’t just say ‘yeah, I can’t use this dog so I think I’ll abandon him after all’.
Can’t be helped. I’ll give keeping him a try. I’ll prepare myself for the worst.
“Nielsen, this way.”
Nielsen(Pervert) kneeled before me, and lowered his head.
You know, please just stop with that oddly formal attitude already. I already know what you’re actually like, so it’s too damned ridiculous. It seems like there’ll be a lot of things to teach this guy.
“Niel, I’ll formally employ you. From now on I’ll be expecting good work from you.”
“Your words are too kind. All five hundred members of we the household guard swear our allegiance to you, Tilea-sama!”
N-, NANI? Five hundred, he said?
It seems that my worries have gone up a class.
“Yes, yes, well done, chuunibyou.”
中二病乙 [chuuni otsu] is short for ‘good work, chuunibyou’, and is often said in a dismissive and ironic/sarcastic way. Often used to call people out on chuunibyou sounding replies, or statements.
“Yesyes, well done, chuunibyou!”/はい、中二病乙！was literally
“Okay, chuuni otsu!”
The ‘understood’ and ‘understood-!’ that he uses is a typical Japanese military-esque (but not exclusively military), “Sir!” and “Sir, yes, sir!” equivalent. But I don’t really like the term ‘ma’am’ since it sounds ugly and weird, and doesn’t fit the characters.
It’s ‘ha’ and ‘haha’ in Japanese, which machine translators sometimes rather amusingly interpret as laughing.