Cthulhu Average – 18

So uh, I don’t have any consoles right now besides the original Xbox, which I got a looong time ago. And um, on the Xbox, among my favourite games were DOA3 and DOA2U.
I just felt they were quite pretty, and the flow of the game appealed to me better than things like Tekken 3 and 4. Somehow the hits felt weightier and more explosive. It might have been the sound effects. It might have been the settings on the physics engine. I guess I’ll never know.
And the music and character designs appealed to me more as well. But uh, mmn, because I don’t have a 360 or Xbox one, I’m only playing a DOA game again after DOA5 Last Round came out on steam. Ein is wearing mesh shirts as usual. Everytime I see his nipples, all this nostalgia for DOA2U comes flooding back.
But wow. Some things have changed. I’m not really sure what happened in the interim between 2U and 5LR, but apparently the costumes in DOA have started defying physics at some point.

But um, idunno. It’s not like I hate it. It looks a little silly that Hitomi can perform doumawashigeri with the flowers still keeping her decent, but maybe some people like that sort of thing. There are crazy tengu and ninja explodey magic in the world of Dead or Alive, so perhaps this costume is enchanted somehow. Or perhaps not.

DLC costume packs are going for 70 dollars each. I am okay with this. I wouldn’t buy them myself, but I respect their attempt to moneygrab using cuteness and sex appeal.
Marie Rose in a sukumizu is powerful stuff. I am not a lolicon.
Marie Rose in anything is powerful stuff. I am not a lolicon.
When you read chapter 18 and find out that this was my favourite chapter in the whole series, you may begin to doubt this, but I maintain the position that I am not a lolicon.
Wow, Marie Rose in overalls just came up in the dlc slideshow. Powerful stuff. Not a lolicon.

Anyway, chapter below. Thanks for bearing with me thus far. Tell me if this chapter is also your favourite. (:

Chapter 18 – Mad Feast

I’ve turned the entrance part of the dungeon into a fairly large hall. Because it’s also the place that I chuck all the unconscious adventurers of all the other floors to, I’ve made it into a place with extra room. Enough room that people could hold a bit of a gathering there. When you add on the fact that monsters can’t enter the room with the entrance, as well as the fact that there would be nobody reckless enough to go out of their way to come to a dungeon at night, it means deep in the night, that there wouldn’t be anyone to get in your way.

…But that doesn’t mean you can hold your damned sabbaths here.


Leonora who had become my friend the other day promised to visit again before continuing her journey, but the rumour she heard in Riemel──that the Evil God was living in this dungeon──was on my mind, so I had Tena head to town to investigate.
The result was that I discovered that there were two sources to that rumour.

The first was 1~2 months ago, when around the time that the dungeon transformed, there was an attack on a church belonging to the Sacred Light Church. In the middle of broad daylight, some being attacked the church, easily broke through the barrier that should have repelled evil, and then left with a sneer.
The second was a certain piece of equipment found in this dungeon. The sword blessed by the Evil God contained a terrifying curse and power, and was guessed to have been directly enchanted by the Evil God.
Because of these two facts, a rumour about the Evil God living in this dungeon began to be spread.

…I have no idea what those two incidents are about. Absolutely no idea, I said.


I don’t know how far the rumour’s spread, but at the very least, it’s apparently been spread enough that Evil God worshippers have gathered in large numbers. This is something that I’m realising keenly enough that I’m getting a headache because of what I’m seeing on screen.

There was a bonfire lit in the middle of the room, and what’s more, I don’t know where they brought it from, but oddly they have a large cauldron on top of it. There was a suspicious liquid boiling inside the cauldron, and it was surrounded by a faint pink smoke. I’m seeing this through a screen so I don’t know how it smells, but it isn’t hard to imagine that there’s a strong odour spread throughout that room.
Surrounding the bonfire were close to a hundred people looking the way they did when they were brought into this world, and displaying shameful behaviour. There were those dancing madly with all their heart, as well as those embracing each other and indulging in each others’ bodies nearby. Perhaps the smoke that’s filling the room is some sort of drug, but everyone seems to be in ecstasy.

Truly a mad frenzy of a feast, befitting of being called a black sabbath. It definitely doesn’t feel like I can stay sane watching this scene, but as the master of this dungeon, I have to properly observe them. I’m definitely not peeking on them because I’m hugely curious.

As the feast went on, their excitement grew even further, until it finally reached the climax. Amongst the screams, only one person remained clothed and stepped forward into the centre of the room.
He was a young blonde man, who looked to be in the early half of his 20s, and with a handsome face, was clad in a priest’s outfit. When he stood in front of the cauldron, he raised his right hand before the followers before him. That moment, the frenzied feast stopped all at once, and a tense silence filled the room.

『We now begin the ritual of offerings!』

To the young priest’s voice, shouts of joy that surpassed even the feast thus far spread through the room as though tearing apart the silence. In the midst of this abnormal atmosphere, four large men carried forth a stone table, and placed it before the young priest.

Since they said ‘offerings’, are they going to perform a sacrificial ritual? Usually goats are sacrificed, right?
Judging from the atmosphere I can see on screen, I’m getting a bad feeling, though.

As though confirming my premonitions, what they brought forth was a girl of about 8 years old, dressed in a plain outfit. With chestnut hair that reached her shoulders, the girl had her hands bound before her, and a gag stuffed in her mouth, and was being forcefully brought out in front of them.
And then, perhaps realising that she was going to be attacked, with tears in her eyes she frantically tried to resist, but it was just the strength of a young child after all, and she could only offer a meagre resistance.
When she was brought to the stone altar, she was stripped of what she was wearing, and with her hands pulled out above her head, her hands and legs were bound and fixed to the altar by a rope that ran along under it.


The girl tried to kick and struggle, but the rope tightly stopped her, and the best she could do was twist her body a little. While looking down at the girl, the young priest brought out a dagger from his pocket. To that deadly weapon that glinted in the light, the girl shook her head as though saying no, no, but there was nobody there that cared.

『O god of ours, please accept our humble offering.』

Having said that, the young priest aimed the overhead dagger at the girl’s heart, and unwaveringly brought it down, and… wai-, that’s no joke!
I was being overwhelmed by this unreal spectacle, but suddenly coming back to my senses, I flusteredly activated the transfer circle above the altar, and teleported the girl to where I was. After an instant of light, the bound and gagged girl was lying down in front of me.
It was some pretty close timing so,  feeling worried, I checked how the girl was, but there was no blood coming out of that young chest of hers. I was touching the centre of her chest to check it out, but perhaps because of the fear of almost being killed, her heart was currently pounding away. However, I could at least feel a definite heartbeat.
It seems that I made it in time.


While I was feeling relieved, the high pitched sound of something breaking reached my ears.

Wondering what it was, I turned around, and what reached my eyes was Tena standing at the entrance to the room, and fragments of porcelain scattered by her feet. It seems that Tena had intended on bringing me tea, but accidentally dropped and broke the tea set. I was going to tell her to clean it up seeing as she showed no signs of moving for some reason, but seeing the expression on her face made me swallow my words.

“A-, Anri-sama…”

Shock, anger, grief, despair… with an expression filled with those mixed emotions, she was looking my way, stiffened up. I have no intention of scolding her that badly just for breaking a tea set though.

“W-, Wh-, Who is that child…?”

Her words reminded me that it wasn’t just me in her gaze, and that she was looking at the little girl who was the other person in the room. Seeing the girl who was looking up at me with tearful eyes and a terrified expression, I suddenly and calmly came back to myself, and tried looking at our situation from an objective point of view.

A little girl of about 8 years old was stripped nude, with her hands and feet bound and her mouth gagged with tears in her eyes.
And seemingly looming over that girl was I, who was touching her slim chest.

I-, It’s a pervert… Wai-, that’s wrong!
Having understood how I looked, I tried to explain to Tena in a fluster, and turned towards her.

“I can expla-…”

“──── -!”

Before I could call out to her, Tena burst out of the room in tears.

Wai-, stop. Don’t run.
At least tidy up the broken tea set.


It’s become quite a headache. If I don’t properly explain things to Tena later, it’ll become a fixed impression that not only am I into other women, I have a preference for little girls. I also have to do something about this girl that’s bound and lying on the floor.
But what I really need to urgently deal with before anything else, is the sabbath with the vanished sacrifice. Because it was something I did in the spur of the moment, I have to fix it up somehow. What’s more, I don’t want something like this to happen again either, so I need to do something about that as well.
And so, I’ll be undoing your bindings later, but sorry, I’ll need to have you lying on the ground for a little longer, girl.

When I looked at the screen, the followers were naturally in a great uproar about the sacrifice that disappeared the instant it was killed. There were also people who were terrified because of this unforseen incident happening during a holy ritual. But when the young priest with the dagger turned around and raised his hand, the uproar quieted down.

『Have you all not seen it yourself!? Our god has accepted our humble offering.』

After the followers quieted down for an instant, they raised an explosive cheer. After the young priest gave a satisfied nod, he turned back to the altar and waited there silently. He was probably thinking that the god they worshipped would show a response, and was continuing to wait there, hoping for a reaction.

In this situation, it’ll get troublesome if I don’t respond, huh? I really just want to ignore this and go to sleep, but if I do that, I can’t predict what these guys will do.
Now then, what should I do? After having snatched the girl myself, I doubt they’d listen if I told them at this point that I didn’t need sacrifices after all, and if I gave the girl back, she’d probably be killed. Having said that though, if I praise them well done, then the possibility that they’ll continue to do this from now on is high.


After thinking about it, I decided to compromise. It’s a tactic where I tell them that I didn’t like the sacrifice they gave me, and next time to bring something else.
Ah-, I forgot to use the cursed Tena doll. Well, I guess that’s fine this time.

『Eh-? Ah-… Please excuse us! Umm, did it not suit your esteemed palate?』

『Humans, demons, unpalatable. Oxen, pigs, chickens, goats──animals recommended.』

『U-, Understood! U-, Um… I am truly sorry to trouble you, but is there no mistake in that you are our god?』

Perhaps they felt something wrong with my lack of Evil God-ness, but it seems they were doubting me a little. But telling me to play the Evil God well is unreasonable, so I hope they’ll cut me some slack on that.


『Oohhh! Receiving your words is the acme of honour!』

『Although it did not suit my palate, it is true that you have done me service with your offering. As such, I bestow this staff.』

I enchanted a staff that I got from a mage that invaded, and teleported it atop the altar in front of the young priest. I’m a fake Evil God, but the enchantment is the real thing, so I can probably dodge most of the suspicion if I hand this over.

『T-, This is!? T-, To think that I would be granted a divine weapon-!』

After the young priest reverently picked up the staff that I left on the altar, first he was shocked, then he cried tears of joy.

『Continue to be zealous in your faith.』


Seeing the young priest bow deeply beyond the screen, I felt relieved at having somehow dealt with it. I saw onscreen that the young priest had held up the staff and was giving a speech to the followers, but I don’t care anymore.
Even if this happens again, they’ll just be sending me food, so I’ll just think of this as a good bargain.


I’ve dealt with the issue of the sabbath now, so I undid the bindings on the girl who was still lying on the floor. I was wondering why she was so silent, but apparently she had passed out from the terror. I think she was still conscious when she was teleported in here, but I wonder when she fainted.

While wondering about this, Tena who had burst out from the room earlier entered the office.



Wondering what was up since Tena showed no signs of moving, I called out to her when with a determined expression, she suddenly took off the miko outfit that she was wearing. Stripped down to her underwear, amongst the youthfulness of her age, was just the slightest hint of seductiveness.
Perhaps because she was shy, that white skin of hers, illuminated by the lamp in the room, was tinged faintly red.

“Um… Anri-sama. If you really want to no matter what, then I…”

Hearing her words, I unconsciously stretched my hand towards her──


──and shot her in the face with a darkness bullet.
I’m straight. There’s no sign of any men around me though.


After having returned to her senses, Tena cleaned up the broken tea set and taken some basic care of the girl, I explained to her what happened and somehow managed to resolve her misunderstanding. Having properly understood the situation, Tena turned bright red and apologised, but I won’t forgive her.
I do think that her misunderstanding couldn’t be helped given the scene that she saw, but I’m not happy with how she acted afterwards, so I’ve decided not to let her off so easily, and punish her instead.
Even if I say punishment, it’s not like it’ll be anything weird; I’m just going to have her sit in seiza for an hour. Is that all? you might think, but to people of this world who aren’t used to seiza, staying in that unfamiliar posture should be quite a tough punishment. As proof of that, after an hour passed, her legs were numb enough that she couldn’t stand, and she was suffering on the ground.
Seeing this made me feel a little mischievous, so I lightly poked at Tena’s leg.


Tena gave a sensitive response as her upper body jumped up, but apparently moving her body made her numb legs tingle, so she writhed about like a caterpillar. Deeply impressed by this wonderful reaction, I continued to poke at Tena who was trying to escape.
-poke poke-

“Ah-! …Sto-! …Y-, You can’t! …Please don’t poke mee!”

-poke poke- …This is kind of fun.


“And so, what will you do with that girl?”

Perhaps because the numbness had finally gone, Tena was standing up now, but her face was still tinged red, and her eyes were oddly teary. Because of her reaction I accidentally got into teasing her, but if I do it any more I think she’ll dislike me for real, so I’ll stop it here.
By ‘girl’, she was probably referring to the sacrificial girl that she had taken care of just a while ago. Tena gave her a bath and a change of clothes, and she was now sleeping on a bed in the bedroom.

“I’ll return her to her parents.”

Obviously. I don’t know where they abducted this girl from, but considering both the issue of proper morals and the issue of avoiding troublesome things, returning her to her parents should be the best answer.

“But, that girl seems to be a slave…”

I unconsciously froze at Tena’s words.


“Yes. She was wearing a collar.”

She was wearing, a collar? I was in a rush, so I don’t remember it well. But now that you mention it, I do get the feeling that the clothing that she was originally wearing was the kantoui for slaves.

…Crap. If she’s a slave, then this changes things quite a bit. If one of the cultists from just now was the master that bought her, then it was their right to decide what to do with this girl, and actually, I who saved the girl just became a thief. If she was abducted then I thought I could search for her parents, and maybe find them, but if she was sold as a slave, then I don’t have much chance in that either. There’s nothing I can do.

“And so, what do you plan on doing?”

Tena asked me this as though trying to finish me off, when I had sunken into silence.
…What do I do?








When our eyes met, the adorable girl with chestnut-hair gave a spasmed cry, and hid behind Tena. It’s a spectacle that I’ve gotten used to over these last few days, and the girl in question is the sacrifice from the other day.
We managed to find out that her name was Lili, and that she had lost her parents in an epidemic, but apparently she didn’t really know anything more than that, and we still don’t know where she came from, or how she came to be a slave.
In the end, I couldn’t think of any ideas, so I decided that we’d raise her in this dungeon for a while at least. From what we’ve heard, it seems that it’ll be impossible to return her to her parents.

“Lili, Anri-sama isn’t scary, you know?”

Incidentally, the one who found all this out was Tena, not me. Lili had apparently grown attached to Tena who had taken care of her, and always follows her around. In contrast, she’s afraid of me, and just as you saw just now, even when I try to talk to her, she immediately runs away from me.

While seeing the two of them getting along like sisters, I sighed.

<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

91 thoughts on “Cthulhu Average – 18”

      1. It seems dead or alive recently has been promoting mostly fan service, what happen to the old days when fighting games where known for the actually fighting within them not the girls and their skimpy outfits…


    1. Have you ever har grass poking at your unmentionables? if you wear a grass skirt, it’s imperative that you also have underwear.

      Also, it’s imperative that they dont have PTA after their asses for showing nudes.


  1. “Stripped down to her underwear, amongst the youthfulness of her age, was just the slightest hint of seductiveness.”
    “[…] I lightly poked at Tena’s leg.”
    “-poke poke-”
    “I’m straight.”

    Riiiiiiight. You keep telling yourself that, Anri.

    My thanks to you, O esteemed holy sheeprabbit.

    Liked by 7 people

  2. ‘『…Untasty.』’
    Should probably be:

    One means that it won’t taste very good, while the second means she finds it in poor taste. Bad form, basically.


  3. Your overly-denial of not being lolicon just makes others think that you’re definetely a lolicon.
    But after searching for Mary Rose at Google. . . I’m MAYBE a lolicon as well.

    P.S. Too bad no yuri scene happening.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. LoL. Remember, always check your search terms at least TWICE, and make sure it’s not too general (in your case, there is more article about Mary Rose the ship rather DoA’s Mary Rose).

        And typos too. Like: don’t miss the “r” in “Gary Oldman” or the “l” in “Big Ben Clock Tower.”

        Yes. That last sentence is a dirty joke that I put on purpose.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. nice use of cthulhu :D
    it’s even appropriate “Racial memory preserves Him as humanity’s most basic nightmare. Cthulhu is the high priest of the Great Old Ones, unnatural alien beings who ruled the Earth before humanity formed, worshipped as gods by some misguided people. “

    Liked by 2 people

  5. …Hm… I was kind of hoping that the dungeon would just have a mass eject button so you can make everyone get out of the dungeon. Or a teleport array that can do that. I don’t know.


  6. Loli count +1

    “as well as the fact that there would be nobody who reckless enough to go out of their way to come to a dungeon at night”
    “nobody who reckless enough” > “nobody/(who is) reckless enough”

    “shouts of joy that surpassed even the feast thus far spread through the room as through tearing apart the silence”
    “through the room as through tearing apart” > “through the room as though tearing apart”

    “people of this world who arne’t used to seiza” > “aren’t”

    “Tena gave her a bath and a change of cloths”
    “cloths” > “clothes?”

    “W-, Wh-, Who is that child…?” > “NTR”

    Liked by 4 people

  7. whats wrong being a Lolicon?? so far as you don’t go overboard … i think?
    well i would prefer a Loli-oneesama(gulp*)

    well whats wrong with those people?? and whats wrong with Anri ?? allowing a religion in her dungeon?? well.. hoping for more unseenable events.. :3
    thanks for the chap…


    1. Now she encompasses the term “Evil God”, which can also mean “False God”. She’s The False God Bully, who is a lesser evil by no fault of her own. Lucky girl.


    1. Depends on what is her definition of straight.

      Will she accepts a Futa?

      Slightly surprised she didn’t give Lili (Lily = Yuri…*cough*) Divine Enchantment which should override the slave curse, as well as making her not affect by Anri’s eyes.


      1. “Are you gay or strai-“Of course I’m straight!”-ghtly homosexual?”
        “Ah. . . So you’re into ‘that’ after all. . .”
        “You tricked me!”

        And. . . that’s really happened to me (I’m the victim).


  8. “…I have no idea what those two incidents are about. Absolutely no idea, I said.”

    Anri-chan did it again lolol. This chapter is full of loltastic moments! It might be the most entertaining one yet! There’s a full blown cult of Anri now haha. I bet they see her as sine sort of big goat headed flesh eating demon though LOL.

    Once again thanks Estelion!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. My favorite part of this chapter was when she was poking Tena’s legs.

    Also! I dreamt about eldritch abominations from BEYOND THE STARS and I blame you.

    Also! Dunno if this is my fave chapter, let’s read them all again and find out!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Looking forward to more. I love female MC always better then a male unless it’s some shitty shoujo romance bs that’s always c;iche.
    Also nothing wrong with loli. Loli is fine too. I binged (because fucking google sucks) Mary Rose DOA and was not disappointed. Won’t say any spoilers though those you must look for yourself. Almost aaaaalmost made me want to start up my DOA something (don’t recall) but then recalled the shitte blocking and bullshit cock teasing…. would rather bing again and get the good stuff then be teased by DOA.
    Typing this I recall playing DOA years ago and my mother comes in asking what this was… she found the fighting game for men amusing


    1. I will follow suit:
      Suksema ‘jak chapter anyarne, mbok/bli sheeprabit.

      I remeber there’s other guy that say “nuhun” too. It tickle me, but before I can type that, I can’t find his/her newer comment.
      Just some “spur of the momment”.


  11. As always, thanks for the chapter.

    I think that this is probably my favourite chapter so far.
    Whether it will stay as my favourite chapter remains to be seen.

    As for whether or not you are a lolicon… I Googled Dead or Alive Mary Rose and I honestly can’t tell what age she was so if you had told me she was 18 ~ 20 I would have believed you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks for translating !!!


    DOA is famous for its jiggle physics from first edition, it by accident good fighting game, but its fame always come from fanservice first.


  13. Thanks for the chapter!

    She should’ve told them to clean up properly after they’re done.
    Or the hall’s walls and floor will be sticky, not to mention smells fishy for a while after. (=゚ω゚)ゞ
    Unless there’s an automatic cleaning function in the dungeon? Like magic roombas or something..

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I can’t explain things well.
    But i want to say Thank you bery muchhhhh for translating this novel.
    i really love this, it’s easy to understand and really a good story, i check your site twice a day and eagerly wait for the next release.

    Thank you O esteemed 5th holy sheeprabbit sama


  15. Not my favorite chapter. She’s even encouraging people to worship her now so it seems like she’s stopped fighting becoming an evil god. That makes the story less interesting to me. :(


  16. The sad thing of when something becomes popular.

    -Oh, a new chapter!
    -“Reaches midway into the page and realizes more than 50% of it is just comments”

    Thanks for the chapter!


  17. On topic of lolicon, unless you want to have sex with it you’re ok ‘ ‘a

    Otherwise if merely finding it cute is considered lolicon then most parents would be incest lolicon and yaoi/yuri.


  18. Wait, when she was watching the Sabbath, technically she was watching porn in the middle of the night? Or does this count as voyeurism? For the sake of the morals that she brought up, we can only hope that it was simply outdoor sex and not swingers and orgies. Otherwise, she really lost all rights to talk about sexual morals/deviancy…….. lol, she watched porn in the middle of the night then kidnapped a 8 year old girl into a quiet room. Her archenemies will definitely be cop summoned to the that world as a hero.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That… That’s genius. The Summoned Demon whatever is a career criminal, the Hero is a hardened cop, and it randomly devolves into CSI with a fantasy flair to it. Meanwhile, the true mastermind, Anri, watches it all unfold while stroking a lo… cat. A cat.


  19. Yup, I really like this chapter especially Mary Rose.
    Not part of the chapter you say? but but THAT’s the best part.

    I’m thinking of buying doa now.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I somehow had the idea that you are the kind of person who reads haganai while while thinking “kukuku, kobato-chan is so cute *lick*lick*lick*lick”. It’s good to know for sure that you are not a lolicon.

    Liked by 1 person

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