This teaser is devoid of all major spoilers.
The light novel adaptation’s illustrations are done by the famous Erect Sawaru, known for his h doujins, and recently, his illustrations for The Lazy King.
I actually read this story before they started the Grimgal translations. And I didn’t like either Grimgal, nor this all that much.
But still, this chubby, chocolate-addicted elf is still one of the cutest characters ever, so I decided to do a teaser in case somebody else is interested enough in picking up the web novel or light novel. Can’t really say that either are all that different, but then again, I only say this because I skimmed vol 1 of the LN and then jumped to the WN without any apparent seams.
Perhaps it diverges more in vol 2 and 3.
It’s all of chapter 13 of the web novel, and then almost all of chapter 17 (missing the first paragraph to avoid plot spoilers).
Incidentally, the story is named ‘What’s Wrong with a Great Hero Being Jobless’.
Remember in Grimgal how with the starting money, everybody got their jobs? Well this guy blew all his money, and set out with his party as a jobless NEET, and yeah…
Chapter 13 – Useless Erofu
…But still, what a horrible pose.
Did that elf just collapse on the ground like that, and lose consciousness? There’s a chance that they died. But that く shape, with your butt sticking up is…
As a woman, that’s…
This elf is clearly a woman. She’s got boots, a flipped-over cape that’s covering her face, and bracelet, as well as pants so short that they’re like short shorts. Also her chest is only being covered by something like a pitiful boob tube, so there’s no mistake. She’s a woman.
Because of the cape, I can’t see her face. I can’t tell her hair colour either, but her skin is white. So white that it would probably be impossible for a human. And that’s not all.
She looks damn fucking soft.
She’s incredibly squishy looking.
Her thighs are pretty amazing. As for her chest, they’re about to spill out of her boob tube, and look so massive they might have their own gravitational field. Or rather, they are spilling out of her boob tube. Although the most important points are just barely inside her top, there’s really not much meaning in covering just that.
Wait, hang on.
I tilted my head in wonder.
“…Is that really an elf?”
Momohina sucked on her index finger.
“It isn’t~? But this is the elves’ forest, rightt~?”
“Well, yeah, but like this, we can’t tell if her ears are pointy. Also, look at her body.”
“It’s wobbling, hey~?”
“I don’t think that’s exactly how I’d put it, but I get what you mean. She doesn’t look like the elves I pictured in my mind. They’re more, slender, I guess.”
Ichika suddenly cut into our conversation and ran over to the elf.
“Hey, are you okay!? Are you alive!? Hey!”
The elf(?) woman stirred a little.
Ichika pulled up her cape and shining golden hair appeared.
Her ears were long and pointed.
So she is an elf.
The elf woman pushed her body up with her arms, and looked first at Ichika, and then at Momohina, before finally turning towards me.
Damnnn. Her eyes are light blue, but it’s like some light is shining from deep inside. She’s definitely not a human. Elf it is.
Her body is super meaty, but her face isn’t. Her cheeks have a bit of volume, but her chin is slender, plump lips aren’t too big either, her small nose is quite tall, her almond-shaped eyes are big and wide, and because her eyebrows slant down a little, she looks a little worried.
She’s really cute.
From her facial features you could call her beautiful, but because of how innocent and unreliable she looks, the cuteness wins out.
“…You ladies… and gentleman, are…?”
Her voice was on the cute side too.
She’s pretty meaty though.
“You can’t tell just by looking?”
I pointed my thumb at myself.
“It’s Great Hero Lord Kisaragi and his party.”
Her eyes widened, and then she gasped.
“Oh. So you know of me.”
“…No. My apologies but I do not. Hah…”
The elf frowned, and then held her stomach.
“W-, What’s wrong!?”
Ichika put her arms around the elf’s shoulders.
“Does it hurt anywhere…?”
Pretty loud, huh.
Ichika looked dumbfounded.
Momohina blinked blankly.
“Did somebody’s tummy just growl~?”
“Wasn’t me.” I said.
“M-, My apologies…”
The elf’s face dyed crimson as she shook her head.
“I am terribly, terribly hungry…! Enough that I feel like collapsing…!”
“Uh, no, not ‘feel like’, you actually did.”
“Yes…! Although it shames me, I was so hungry that I collapsed…!”
“…Ahh! Not again…! I might die from the shame! Actually, please let me die…! May I die!? Is it okay…!?”
“You don’t have to freaking die just because your stomach growled. I’ll give you some food, so eat it.”
“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…!? You would be willing to spare me some food…!? Food, to a thing like me…!?”
“Yeah, so calm down.”
” -OTL- ”
“T-, The heck is it this time?”
“I cannot calm down… That too is one of my many flaws… I knew it… I do not possess the rights to live… I can only die…”
“Just shaddap and eat!”
I took some food and shoved it into her mouth. It was stuff like biscuit-y bread, salted meat, dried fruits… just preserved food, so I’m sure it didn’t taste all that great, but the elf woman gobbled them all down happily. And she ate quite a bit too. Well, her body does look like that. She looks the type to eat a lot. I’ll bet she loves eating.
“Thank you for the meal…!”
The elf sat in seiza, and then gave a deep bow.
“I shall, certainly repay this kindness, no matter what…! Although I am not sure what someone like me can actually do…! What on earth can I do…!? I shall do anything I can…!”
“Y-, You don’t have to.”
Ichika pulled the elf’s upper body up.
“You can’t~! If you say that, what if Kisaragi demands something weird from you!? You’re a girl, so you can’t say ‘I’ll do whatever you want’ so lightly!”
Apparently the elf couldn’t hold back her feelings, because she started trembling.
“What kind words you say to me…! To even worry about a thing like me…! I have never come across such kindness before…! I cannot believe it…! It is unbelievable…!”
“Eh-, wai-, aren’t you exaggerating quite a bit…?”
The elf grasped both of Ichika’s hands, and then pressed them into her oversized and overflowing tits.
“Please…! Please give me your name…!”
“Uh, I-, I’m Ichika…”
“You don’t really need the ‘lady’ so…”
“T-, That’s fine, I guess…”
“I… I shall carve memories of your kindness into this heart of mine… I shall not forget this until the day I die…!”
“I-, I see… Or rather, could you let go…? Your chest, is kind of, ummm…”
“Aahh-…! What have I done…!?”
The elf fell into a dogeza.
“The likes of one such as I…! To have touched Miss Ichika’s clean hands with the dirty and flabby body of a fat woman such as I…! My deepest, deepest apologies…! I can only apologise through death…!”
I’ve put up with quite a bit but, I’ve just about reached my limit.
Putting my foot on the elf’s shoulder, I kicked her up.
“Fucking cut it out already. You’re damned noisy.”
The elf hugged her own squishy body with her arms, and looked up at me with frightened eyes.
“To begin with, what the fuck is up with those tits of yours. It’s like a fucking weapon. Even tits should have their limits. Aren’t your tits way too big? Is ‘Tits’ your middle name or something.”
“…T- …Tits… I… tits as my middle name…”
“First of all, give us your damned name. We gave you food, and you still haven’t introduced yourself? The fuck?”
“…*gasp*! W-, What unbelievable rudeness I have-…! I-, I am, um, er, Mililyu…”
“A-, As I said… Mililyu…”
“Milyu… Tsk. So hard to pronounce. Whatevs. ‘Tits’ is good enough for you. Nice to meet ya, Tits.”
“…P-, Please, that name alone is… Please spare me…”
“Why the hell do I have to spare anything. What merit does that hold for me. Tell me.”
“I-, I shall do anything you want, so…!”
“Fine. Serve me.”
Ichika’s eyes widened.
Momohina didn’t seem to get it.
Well, it’s not like I was being serious. I just wanted to shock her a little. But well, if the person herself is fine with it, maybe I will get her to serve me.
“Aight. Then let’s get you working right now. First, take me to your elf settlement.”
“T-, That is… I do not mind… but…”
“What. You’re an elf, aren’t ya. Is there some reason you can’t?”
Mililyu twisted her body uncomfortably. It looks like she’s worrying about something, but the point is, the meat known as her body was squirming about, and it was erotic enough to defy common sense.
“…I can guide you, but I… am a failure of an elf, so…”
“I can tell that just by looking. Rather than an elf(erufu), you’re an erofu after all.”
Momohina pointed happily at Mililyu.
“Erofu~ Erofu~ You really are quite erotic, aren’t you~”
“…I am, an erofu… Not an elf, an erofu…”
“That’s right. You’re an erofu. A useless pair of tits.”
Ichika glared my way.
“Aren’t you being too cruel! And vulgar too!”
“…No, Miss Ichika.”
Mililyu stood up.
“It is fine. In truth, calling myself an elf would be too presumptuous. Erofu… Ugly, Useless Tits… Erofu… Useless Tits… Huhuhu… That’s right, isn’t it… I truly am exactly that… I must come to terms with it… That I am unfit for the Melcurian family… Just an erofu… Lord Kisaragi.”
“What is it, Mililyu?”
When I called our her name, Mililyu’s eyes widened like she’d been struck.
And then, looking like she would cry at any moment, she smiled at me.
…She really is cute…
Damned meaty though.
“I shall guide you to the capital of the forest, Alnortuu. There you will meet them. Not unsightly erofus like I… but true, beautiful elves.”
Excerpt from Chapter 15 – Sweet Dreams
“Speaking of which,”
“Haven’t you been sneaking bites of something for a while now?”
“You have, haven’t you. About every minute or so.”
“N-, No, t-, this is…!”
Mililyu reluctantly took something out.
There were a bunch of them on her palm, so I grabbed one.
“Could this be chocolate?”
“Y-, You know of chocolate…?”
“Well yeah, I guess I do. Chocolate, huh.”
I tried popping it into my mouth.
This shit is good.
For some reason I felt like I was going to cry.
“It’s chocolate, isn’t it.”
“…Yes. It, is. My deepest apologies… I know no greater shame…”
“Huh? Why the hell are you ashamed?”
“Naturally, because eating sweet foods outside of fruits is illegal…”
“Illegal? First I’ve damn heard. Weren’t they selling manjuu in Oltana? Is this some elf law?”
“Ah-, yes, t-, that may be the case. I have never left the Forest of Shadow, so I cannot truly say, but…”
“So if it’s illegal, how’d you get ahold of this? Doubt you made it yourself. You don’t look like you’d have the ingredients or whatever, so,”
“T-, That is, I mean… there are ways, perhaps I should say, or…”
“So you guys have smugglers too?”
“H-, How did you-!?”
“So you do, huh. Just for chocolate?”
“Chocolate is, a treasure…! Chocolate is, life…! A life without chocolate would be a life without meaning…!”
“…Alright already, so don’t stick so close to me.”
“Ah! M-, M-, M-, M-, My deepest apologies…!”
What would you do if I drowned in your meat.
“Anyway, I more or less understand why your tits are uselessly huge now. It’s cause you keep eating chocolate without ever stopping, yeah?”
“…I-, I have tried to quit many times, but no matter what I could not resist, and…”
“Pretty weak willed, huh.”
“But I bet everybody is actually eating it. Even if it’s less than you.”
“…Why, do you think such a thing?”
“Because considering your personality, I doubt you’d have the balls to casually break the law unless everybody else was doing it too. It’s probably banned, but with everybody secretly eating it in their own damned time, right? If they weren’t, nobody would make money smuggling it in to begin with.”
“It is all as you say…”
“Leaving the fact that it’ll make your useless tits even bigger, if you keep eating sweet things all the time, it’ll be bad for your health, yanno.”
Mililyu simply shook her head silently.
Something feels wrong.
Chapter 17 – Mililyu the Beast
The elf city of Alnortuu has eighteen great families.
Their histories run deep, and are said to be a thousand or two thousand years old.
Having said that though, an elf’s lifespan is roughly two hundred and fifty. Until the age of twenty, they grow the same way that humans do, but after that they only slowly, slowly age.
To we humans who kick the bucket at seventy, or eighty at best, a thousand years might seem pretty long, but I bet that isn’t the same for the elves.
So it’s weird that they phrase ‘said to be’ like some myth or something. I’ll bet they aren’t actually that old. Well, that’s just my opinion, so I can’t say for sure.
Well anyway, from ancient times, Alnortuu has had Seven Swords, Six Spells, and Fives Bows; the Eighteen Great Families.
From a young age, elves learn the sword, spells, and the bow, and eventually, the kids that are good with the sword become Sword Dancers, the kids good with spells become Shamans, and the kids good with bows became Archers apparently. I hear that not all of them go into these three professions, but anyway, that’s just how they’re educated.
And so, at the pinnacle of Sword Dancers, Shamans, and Archers are the Seven Swords, Six Spells and Five Bows.
In the past, during a crisis that drove the Forest of Shadows to the brink, there were eighteen heroes that saved the elves, and the Eighteen Great Families are their descendants. Idunno if it’s true though.
But even if it isn’t, the people from those bloodlines are taught to use the sword like walking, or are given tattoos for magic, or are made to learn the bow. It smells a bit of child abuse.
Mililyu was born into one of the Seven Swords, the Melcurian Family.
Not only that, her dad was a hundred and ninety at the time, and her mum was a hundred and fifty. Although elves grow slowly, they were still at an age that would’ve been more suitable as grandparents.
Apparently it’s not that elves don’t have children, but that they can’t; their fertility as a race is on the downturn. It seems that in the ancient past they actually did mate with other races quite a bit, but as they stopped doing that, they eventually grew less and less fertile.
At any rate, Mililyu’s birth was celebrated as the birth of a successor. The Melcurian family made a huge, happy fuss. Apparently in all the Seven Swords, Mililru was the first elf born since Lilya of the Shütlalm family seven or eight years prior. And so they were all like, hooray hooray, looks like our Melcurian Family is safe for a while, now then time to train her, we definitely gotta make this girl a Sword Dancer that won’t shame our family… And so ever since she was old enough to understand what was going on, Mililya had been abused.
Ah, sorry, I meant trained.
She bore with the special training that was traditional for the Seven Swords.
Mililyu was so talented that they called her the second coming of Sword Saint Urangia, and selfishly labelled her a genius.
…Having said that though, apparently Lilya from Shütlalm was also called “the second coming of Sword Saint Urangia” so maybe all children born in the Seven Swords are praised like that.
But well, it looks like she had huge expectations placed on her.
At the age of seven, she managed to win a round against the current head of the Melcurian family; in other words her father, and I thought maybe he went easy on her because he was doting on her… but apparently he was so devastated about losing that he ran away from home, and only came back a month later, so I suppose not.
That wasn’t all though. There’s this crazy panther that lives in the Forest of Shadows. They call it Shadow Walker. She started singlehandedly bringing them down when she was seven.
The tree people that are enemies of the elves, the treants, tried to kidnap her, but instead she brought them all down too.
She had a match with the older Liliya, and shocked the audience with a draw.
And it wasn’t just her swordsmanship. Because of her loveliness, countless people praised her as the favoured daughter of Goddess Laflorte.
When Mililyu was seven, her life was filled with glory.
She was peerlessly popular.
Number one on the list of beloved elves.
Only until she was seven though.
When Mililyu turned eight, something changed.
She started getting chubby.
The cause was chocolate.
The glorious and most beloved Mililyu was given chocolate by some idiot. Mililyu immediately fell in love with it.
Apparently she started thinking that if there was something as yummy as chocolate, then from now on she wanted to eat nothing but chocolate.
The favoured daughter of Goddess Laflorte became captive to chocolate.
The idiot that gave her chocolate was the head of the Randurowal family, Bentowan. That’s right, that bitch Aryaleah’s dad, was badgered by Mililyu for some chocolate out of curiosity. Given that the innocent Mililyu was way cuter than his braven wife and his noisy daughter, naturally he couldn’t refuse her.
‘Keep this a secret, okay?’
‘You can’t tell anyone that uncle gave this to you, okay?’
Whispering that, he gave Mililyu the chcoolate.
Naturally, Mililyu kept doing it because it worked the first time.
Each and every day, she would ask Bentowan for more chocolate.
Even Bentowan started realising how bad this was getting, but Mililyu was too cute, so it couldn’t be helped. If Bentowan hesitated, then Mililyu’s eyes would fill with tears and say something like ‘Okay. Mililyu understands. Mililyu will endure it. Sorry, uncle.’ so he’d be like ‘Ohhh, please stop. Please don’t cry, Mililyu, O favoured daughter of Laflorte. I’ll give you some. Uncle will give you some chocolate. Look, it’s chocolate. Here, here.’
And so, he got found out. Not by Mililyu’s parents. By other shitty elves.
‘Oooi, Bentowan! Why are you the only one who gets to feed Miliyu-chan chocolate, you damn lolicon, don’t fuck with me, I’ll feed her too.’
And so more and more elves appeared to give Mililyu chocolate… She had so much chocolate that she couldn’t eat it all, and brought it home to eat in secret. All the shitty elves made sure to said ‘It’s a secret, okay? A secret. You absolutely can’t tell Mum and Dad, okay?’ and so Mililyu faithfully stuck to the promise. And ate chocolate. If she was too full from chocolate to eat her meals, they might have suspected her, so she made sure to eat everything.
And so, eventually she got chubby.
No matter what kind of harsh training that gave her, she wouldn’t stop becoming chubby. The harder, and harsher the training was, the more her body sought chocolate. When she ate chocolate, the weariness would vanish like nothing.
Hooray for chocolate!
Mililyu got chubbier and chubbier.
Her mother and father were really troubled by it.
And the reason why is because elves are a beautiful race, but their standards for beauty are strict. They’re really sensitive to things that aren’t beautiful. Ugly things are unforgiveable. And on the list of things that they find ugly, is ‘chubbiness’.
Elves are mostly slim to begin with, but there are differences between individuals, and if an elf eats too much, of course they’ll get fat, and so fat elves aren’t counted as elves.
Elves and humans are in an alliance, so naturally they don’t say this in front of them, but in private they have a common insult; ‘fat like a human’. Humans naturally have individual differences too, and I don’t think they’re all that fat overall, but to elven standards, they’re damn fat enough.
Also, there’s also the stubby and hairy dwarf race, and apparently there are elves who even curse ‘YOU DAMN DWARF’ as an insult when they snap. Apparently getting called a dwarf makes them incredibly hurt and outraged too. Although I think the ones who would really be hurt are the dwarves, but…
Anyway, because of that, her parents needed to stop her chubbification somehow. I mean, it was about time, or rather, a bit late even, that the elves started thinking ‘Hm? Hey, isn’t this girl… kind of bad? She’s not really a favoured daughter anymore, right? Yeah, she’s not. Nai wa’. It was the tipping point. If she started slimming down now, they could still make it. If she slimmed down now, they could chalk everything else up to a passing phase in growing up, like, insisting that she was just growing horizontally before her body grew vertically, everybody would probably accept it. She was an authentic genius after all. And at that point, her face was still totally cute.
‘It has to be now.’
‘She has to lose weight.’
‘Now, while she still can.’
Her parents locked her up.
At that point, her parents had already long realised that she was binging on chocolate, but they just couldn’t stop her. When they left her alone, she would sneak out of the house to get chocolate from somewhere. And then eat it. Eat it like she was possessed. She’d eat, and eat, and then get chubbier.
Apparently Mililyu herself was getting stressed from all the difficult training, and the high expectations from all around her.
So Mililyu couldn’t stop herself either.
Her parents couldn’t stop her with normal means.
Since they had no other choice, they locked her up in one of the rooms in their house.
They only gave her water, and nothing to eat.
At any rate, they were going to slim her down.
At this rate, their daughter would stop being an elf. She would turn into a human. She would turn into a dwarf.
As a proud elf, as a member of the Seven Swords, a member of the Melcurian family, she had to avoid fatness no matter what.
These days, Mililyu understands how her parents felt.
But back in those days, it was different.
‘Father, Mother, why are you treating me this way…!?’
‘Father, Mother, it hurts, I’m hungry, I want to eat, why won’t you let me eat, I’ll die, save me, I’m begging you, I’m begging you, please…’
Mililyu cried. She cried and screamed, got tired, and then slept. The hunger would wake her up, and then she’d cry again. Crying, screaming, become exhausted and then sleeping. Starving, her sleepiness would be blown away. And then she’d cry, bang on the door, writhe in agony, and eventually lost the will to move.
Mililyu slimmed down.
Or rather, she withered away.
Eventually her parents decided to let her out, and opened the door.
Although her cheeks were sunken and she had bags under her eyes, behind the door was Laflorte’s favoured daughter.
But in her heart lay a beast.
Mililyu was starving.
Mililyu paid no attention to her parents’ heart-filled persuasions, and started eating the moment she was free. She ate everything she could get her hands on. No matter what it was, she would eat it. The moment that she ate chocolate for the first time in ages, apparently she thought ‘Aahh, I don’t care anymore. I want to die in this moment’. No matter how much she ate, she wasn’t satisfied. Even when she was full, the beast in her heart wasn’t satisfied. She forced herself to eat. Eat, and eat, and turn chubby again.
Her parents caught her, and confined her again.
When Mililyu withered again, her parents tearfully persuaded her that this was the only way, and Mililyu nodded. She said that she was persuaded this time. But the moment that she was free again, she couldn’t hold herself back.
She ate, turned chubby, got caught, got confined, and then was forced to fast again.
Until she turned seventeen, this repeated over and over again.
When she finally turned seventeen, her parents finally gave up.
They gave up on her.