If you dislike misunderstanding comedies, then don’t read it.
If you read it, and at any point feel like complaining about too many misunderstandings, or at any point feel like asking me when the misunderstandings will be resolved, then please kindly leave, because I’m sick of listening to people spout the same brain-worm addled bullshit every damned chapter.
We’re 50 chapters in and you know what it’s about now. I’d have expected an end to this shit already. I’m translating because I want interesting comments. If you’re just here to mope and complain about stuff that you should have known was coming, then please just get lost.
Of course, negative feedback of the chapter is fine. That’s just part of the ride. Some series get better over time, some series get worse. Some series have arcs more boring than white people porridge.
But if you have nothing better to do than complain about the series in general, go fuck yourself. I don’t put in time translating because I enjoy listening to whiners. When I dislike a series, I stop reading. I complain to my friends in private. I don’t go over to the translator’s blog and complain like an entitled little faggot. Nor do I head over to Xianxia translations and bitch 50 chapters in about how it’s too violent, and nobody ever sits down to negotiate.
Yes, Tilea is a dumbass. Yes, she’s unbelievably stupid. If you didn’t get that much after the chapter where he jumps in front of a truck and talks about how he spent 30+ years as an unemployed chuunibyou, perhaps you aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed either.
And you know why I don’t care? Because it’s part of her character, she’s consistently dumb, and she’s consistently fixated on her (often mistaken) impressions. Which is more than I can say about half the stories being translated out there.
Chapter 3 – Jessica and the Blonde Bishoujo
“Uwah-! That was close. What the heck are you doing all of a sudden!?”
“Hohh? Surprisingly nimble, aren’t you. I didn’t think you’d dodge.”
Tilea-san avoided Arcyune’s sudden ambush by a paper-thin distance.
Amazing… To think she dodged something like that…
Arcyune looked a little surprised as well.
“Hey, stop joking around already――wai-, Arcyune-sensei, you’re cosplaying!? And you suddenly used some weird magic to do it. Why all this weird behaviour suddenly…”
“Ku ku, you still don’t understand the situation? A truly slow head you’ve got there.”
“WHA-!? S-, Slow head you say!? Grrrgrgr――Is that something a teacher of all people should be saying!”
Tilea-san turned bright red with indignation. Apparently she was really angry about the slow head comment.
Mn, but this is probably the only thing I have to agree with him about. Her non-existent sense of danger is really a problem, you know.
Can’t Tilea-san feel the pressure from a demon? Anyway, I have to hurry up and make her understand just how dangerous this is.
“Tilea-san, this isn’t the time for that. He’s attacks people. A vampire, a demon. He’s trying to kill us, you know!”
“Vampire? Demon? What on earth are you saying? No matter how harshly he scolded you, you can’t go slandering people like that, you know?”
ARGHHH! What’s with this person!? Please just understand how tense our situation is. Maybe you could call her optimistic, or maybe a bit out of touch with reality, but the point is that indirect expressions won’t work with her. I don’t think she’ll get it unless I say it outright.
“It’s true! He tried to kill me too, and he’s already attacked my friend, you know!”
“Yes, seriously. This isn’t a joke, or a magical disguise, or anything else.”
Perhaps she realised how serious I was, because Tilea-san looked back towards Arcyune and started observing his face and figure.
“UWAHHHHH! He’s really a demon? Eh? Eh? Vampires are real? This isn’t some prank show, right?”
“Ku ku. Quite right. So you finally know terror? Honestly, I never thought I would be troubled by my prey being too dumb. Even though I was quite taken by your beauty, I’ll subtract some points for your lack of intelligence.”
Arcyune frankly stated his opinions. I wanted to disagree, but I’m bad at lying.
“S-, S-, S-, Seriously… A-, As expected of the Capital. A-, Aahh, so what if I can use elementary magic? T-, This is a real adventure. So at last, in the truest, truest sense, I too have set foot into a fantasy world. W-, What do I do? My heart wasn’t prepared for this. At least start me off on a slimeeee…!”
Perhaps because she was frantic, Tilea-san started to speak nonsense. It can’t be helped though. After all, there’s a demon in front of her eyes. I’m a student who took lessons in magic, and even I almost fainted from his aura. To say nothing of a normal person. There’s no way Tilea-san would be in a normal state of mind.
I have to try my best for us! If I can’t act during times like this, just what on earth did I learn magic for!
“Tilea-san, let’s run!”
I took her by the hand and started sprinting down the hallway. But to be honest my feet felt unsteady. If I let up even a little, I might faint at any moment. My endurance is reaching its limit, and we won’t get away at this rate.
“Hahh, hahh, hahh…”
“Jessica-chan, are you okay?”
Tilea-san spoke to me with a worried expression. Even though she was that scared just now, she’s worrying about me instead. She really is a kind person, just like I thought. I have to let her escape at least.
What do I do?
I can feel Arcyune’s gaze on my back.
He’s probably toying with us by having us run. I guess I have no choice except to hold him back with magical bullets while he still isn’t being serious.
“Tilea-san, I’ll hold him back somehow.”
“Jessica-chan. Thank you. And sorry. I fell into a bit of a panic, didn’t I. It’s pathetic that I’m the older one here.”
“Not at all. At any rate, I’ll use magical bullets to hold him back. In the meanwhile, please escape.”
“Jessica-chan, that’s what they call a death flag you know? Definitely not. We escape together.”
“But, I can’t run anymore.”
“I see. Got it.”
The moment she heard my words, Tilea-san suddenly lifted me up like a princess and began to run.
No way! Tilea-san is surprisingly powerful. And fast.
Like the wind, she ran faster and faster.
“Ku ku, run, run. Tremble in fea――wai-, wha-, s-, so fast! Oi, wait up! Wait, I say!”
Arcyune’s face changed, and he started running after us. Apparently Tilea-san’s running speed shocked him too. With me still in her arms, she bolted up the stairs without missing a breath. Rather, it was me, being carried, that was out of breath due to the speed…
Tilea-san’s leg strength really isn’t normal. I don’t think you can get this kind of speed without body reinforcement magic, and a high-level spell at that. So could that mean that Tilea-san is actually a famous adventurer maybe?
“Tilea-san, you were actually an adventurer, weren’t you.”
“Heh? What the heck are you saying. Of course not. I’m just a normal chef.”
“B-, But, you’re running so fast with me in your arms…”
“Well, I do have confidence in my physical strength.”
“Just that much wouldn’t explain it. A normal chef wouldn’t be able to――”
“Tsktsktsk. Jessica-chan, you shouldn’t make light of chefs. Cooking needs a lot of strength, you know?”
Tilea-san replied with an admonishment.
T-, That’s the problem here?
No, no, that’s crazy, Tilea-san.
I was about to speak to her again when Tilea-san suddenly stopped her legs.
“What is it?”
“That thing’s a vampire, right?”
In the direction that Tilea-san pointed, Geil-sensei limped on one leg. He had lost his reason, and sometimes roared like a beast.
“Yes. He was a teacher I respected… but because of Arcyune…”
“I see… It must have been hard on you.”
“Hic-, I still can’t believe it… A teacher who cared so much about us students looking like that is… it’s cruel. It’s just so cruel.”
“It’s unfortunate, but he’s a vampire now. We can’t let him attack us.”
It’s just like Tilea-san says. I can’t just grieve here. We have to priorise escaping right now.
“Tilea-san, please don’t let Arcyune drink your blood. If he manages to do so, you’ll be turned into a vampire.”
“Mn, I know that. In the same way, we can’t let those new vampires bite us either.”
“Ah-!? You’re right. Also, it looks like the new vampires gain physical strength too, so we have to be careful about our movements.”
“Hm~mm… So they resemble the cliches in that way too huh… He’s moving about even with an injured leg, so I guess it looks like he has some zombie traits too, huh?”
“Um, Tilea-san, you know about the demon race?”
“Mn. Well, rather than the demon race, you could say that they’re characteristics of a vampire. It’s my very own Reincarnation Cheat; I have some special knowledge. You could even say that it’s my only weapon.”
Rheeyin Carnashon Cheet? Whatever could that mean?
It does look like she’s knowledgeable on the vampires.
“But still, I’m glad I had Timu wait outside. To think that this academy would turn into such a den of monsters.”
“Speaking of which, Timu-chan is at the front gate, right?”
“Yeah. Ah~ Wait! This is bad. If I take too long, Timu might get worried and come looking for me inside!”
It’s possible. If Tilea-san doesn’t come back after a long time, there’s a high chance that Timu-chan would search the school for her.
“What should we do?”
“Jessica-chan, is there a food storage room?”
“A food storage room? If you’re looking for one, there should be one in the back of the dining hall.”
“And where’s the dining hall?”
“If we follow this hallway and make a right, we’ll arrive just at it.”
“I see. Let’s go then.”
“Yes. But, why that room?”
“Huhu, it’s to get our hands on one of the vampire’s weakpoints; garlic.”
“Aah, umm, in this world we call it kukanomi, don’t we.”
“Is that one of their weakpoints?”
“Yeah. It’s common sense that you use garlic against vampires.”
So she declared, filled with confidence.
Kukanomi is their weakpoint…?
We have a lot of dishes on our menu that feature kukanomi. It’s good for stamina so the boys happily eat it up, but it stinks to me, so I’m no good with it.
Is Arcyune also bad with it?
Hmmm… I get the feeling that Arcyune just ate it like normal too, but maybe he secretly left it behind?
…Something feels a little off about this.
“U-, Umm, Tilea-san, I really don’t think that kukanomi is their weakpoint, but…”
“Jessica-chan, believe in me!”
Aahh, even though I’ve only just met Tilea-san, I more or less understand her type. Whenever she declares anything brimming with confidence, she’s basically always wrong.
“B-, But, Tilea-san. I really don’t think――”
“Jessica-chan, we don’t have time. We have to beat him and meet up with Timu!”
It’s no good. She’s not listening to a word I’m saying.
Like that, Tilea-san brought me along, and we reached the dining hall and storage room in an instant.
“Hmm~ So this is the Magic Academy’s food storage room. Huge, as you’d expect. Oohh! They even have heraia fruits!”
Tilea-san opened every cupboard and draw in search of kukanomi. Occasionally, perhaps because she spotted a rare ingredient or something, but she would sigh with emotion too. Considering how moved she is by ingredients, it looks like the thing about being a chef is the truth.
“Okay, found it. There’s quite a bit too. Thank goodness.”
“I-, I see…”
“Here, this is your portion, Jessica-chan.”
I took the kukanomi from Tilea-san. The strong smell assailed my nose. Checking with a squeeze that I had them in hand, I found that they weren’t hard or sort, and just your average, lumpy ingredient. It’s impossible to think that I can use this to defeat a demon.
“Listen, okay? When he comes, we’ll throw these together.”
“U-, Umm, Tilea-san. I really do think we should think of another tact――”
“Shhh. Looks like he’s here.”
Just like she said, Arcyune came running in, out of breath.
“Hahh, hahh, you bitches! Running about so hard to catch. But I’ve got you now.”
Tilea-san signalled. At this point, it’s do or die!
I threw the kukanomi with all my might at him. But the kukanomi that I threw just traced a parabola in the air before plonking onto the ground.
It’s no good…
Before even considering the effect of the kukanomi, my arm strength was too weak to hit him. As I was feeling despondent,
A death agony suddenly resounded through the room. When I looked up, I found that Tilea’s kukanomi had collapsed-in the area around his collarbone. The kukanomi was sunken into a hole like it was an iron ball. Thick blood overflowed from the cavity.
“A-, Amazing… So you were a a warrior, weren’t you, Tilea-san.”
“I’m not a warrior. I already told you that kukanomi is his weakness, right?”
“Eh-, but, are you saying this is the power of kukanomi?”
“That’s right. Well, in my mind it was more of a ‘shuwawa~’ kind of thing where he’d dissolve after touching it though. Is this what they mean by the difference between theory and implementation?”
However I look at it, it just looks like Tilea-san used her arm strength though…
“-wheeze, wheeze, wheeze- W-, What the hell did you do? A mere human! Hahh, hahh, d-, don’t make light of me!”
The smile of composure had vanished from his face, and in its place was an intense look of fury.
H-, How horrifying. Is this the pressure from a demon when he’s serious…?
This deep black bloodlust is completely different from a human’s spite. Because of the terror, I clung to Tilea-san’s arm.
“Hahh, hahh, I’ll kill you! F-, Fucking taking advantage because I was just playing with you. Don’t think you’ll die an easy death. I’ll drain you of your blood alive, and then I’ll rip your body to pieces!”
My body trembled violently at his voice. It looked like Tilea-san was trembling from fear as well.
“L-, Let’s escape while we can.”
Arcyune had taken damage. What we needed to do now was escape and call for help.
“Hahh, hahh, unforgivable. Hurting me like this is unforgivable! I won’t just repay this humiliation. I’ll have your little sister taste the same hell as well!”
How repulsive. We have to take Timu-chan away as well. I was determined to escape even a second faster, but suddenly, Tilea-san stopped in her tracks.
“Jessica-chan, you go ahead.”
“Eh-!? We have to hurry and run.”
“No. This guy said he would attack Timu. If I run here, I’ll never know when he might attack her.”
“You go ahead. Honestly, I’m really scared, but there’s no way I can let him go after what he said.”
Tilea-san turned around and headed back to face Arcyune.
“Hahh, hahh, no more carelessness… I’LL CLAW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUTTTT!”
Arcyune bore his fangs, and rushed towards her.
Tilea-san lifted her leg up high, bending her body like a bow, before launching the kukanomi at tremendous speed. It roared through the air, before crashing into his thigh.
Suffering Tilea-san’s toss, Arcyune staggered away from her. Blood was flooding from his thigh.
“Hahh, hahh… W-, What are you? W-, Why am I taking s-, so much damage from a single toss――”
“This is the end.”
“ONE MORE THROWWWWW!”
Tilea-san yelled to pump herself up before launching the final blow with such force that it seemed to pass the speed of sound. It was so fast that I couldn’t even see it. Before I knew it, that incredible toss had struck Arcyune right in the face, and after convulsing a few times, he stopped moving altogether.
“Now then, let’s go.”
Instantly killing a demon…
Just who is Tilea-san?
She said it was the power of the kukanomi, but no matter how you look at it, it was Tilea-san’s strength. I can’t imagine that a normal person could defeat a demon. Could it be that Tilea-san is actually a descendant of a hero, and was bound by some secret fetters that stopped her from revealing herself?
Hmmm… But if that’s the case, her behaviour is too simple, or rather, too straightforward. I really can’t imagine that she’s capable of hiding anything. Or is that also just an act to fool me?
But well, thanks to Tilea-san, my life was saved. I should just feel thankful instead of prying. And also, I’m worried about Timu-chan so we need to hurry.
Tilea-san and I hurried to the main gate. As we approached it, I started to hear some kind of fuss. Even though it was the dead quiet of the night just before, I could hear roars and bellows flying about now.
Wondering what was going on, I tried looking out the window.
WHA-!? People are attacking each other!
Neighbours who were talking so intimately just this morning were attacking each other. No, once I looked carefully, I noticed that the side doing the attacking were vampirised. The attackers were vampires, and the humans were fighting back.
Is this also the work of the demons? Did Arcyune have companions?
“W-, What on earth is happening outside?”
“Haha… President Evil.”
Tilea-san muttered those words in a hoarse voice.